to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You have to summon your inner elephant
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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