Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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