oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
