The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
