my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
