There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
