Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
