I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
