Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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