My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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