Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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