Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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