Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
