U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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