my vag is so smooth its legendary
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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