And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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