My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
