Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Randomize
