Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
