I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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