your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
FUCK WHALES
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
