I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't make out with my wife yet
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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