bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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