I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
