6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
