youre lurking in front of me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
