so let's talk penis.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
