After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize