you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
