I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
