first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
