So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
