Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
