Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
