how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
