Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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