got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
