I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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