Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
