its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
