If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
