i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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