I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
