Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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