so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
