I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
