My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
