She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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