I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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