Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
