He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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