We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
