my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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