my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
