bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize