everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
