I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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