Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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