If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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