Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
