So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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