"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
