Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
