You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
