You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
