Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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