Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize