When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
