His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
