You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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