so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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