How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
