and you said cock pushups were impossible
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
