he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
